There was a time when I felt good. There was a time when I felt I could do anything. There was a time when I felt that everything was under my control.  And then it all turned sour. Imperceptibly, as the days went past, as one opportunity was lost after another. I had to lean on people and had to call in favours even when I had no authority to do so – I was steadily putting myself further and further into debt, both financially and emotionally. There is no crueler master than self-doubt.

And then I did something wonderful and my life changed completely. I took a shower.

Defeat comes not from losing. Defeat comes from admitting defeat. There are two people inside your head. The one that thinks and rationalizes trains the one that brings ideas and thoughts and, eventually, self-identity. The one that accepts these suggestions can either be a latent saboteur or a valuable ally. And this subconscious is the most gullible entity that you will know. People will tell you that you can’t do this or it’s impossible to do that – there is no impossible. Once upon a time people said it was impossible to fly and they could never conceive that it was possible to keep the sum total of human knowledge at one’s fingertips and yet, here we are, in the 21st century and we have not only done both, but the future seems filled with concepts of the possible – impossible is used rarely, and with great caution as so many things deemed “impossible” are not only possible, but in many cases, inevitable.

I felt bad. I felt that the best was past. I felt that I was down. I felt that I could go no further. But then I took a shower. I was encouraged by some words that I had heard recently – that the best way to combat the naysayers was to prove them wrong. I also remember that the last time I felt so low I turned my life around by telling myself that life was good. Even when I was scraping the last few pennies to scrounge dinner I said to myself that I was successful and that I could do whatever I wanted. And I was right. And I did. I became a success in what I wanted to do. I found the most wonderful person to share the rest of my life with and I had two extraordinary children.

But then I forgot was I was telling myself. A few stumbling blocks later, and faced with the prospect of middle age, I started to send myself the wrong message again. In addition, the world started to fall into recession and my chosen industry started to get saturated with younger and flashier talent. I felt I was no longer worth anything. But it wasn’t the world that was stopping me from success – it was me. I had forgotten to congratulate myself. I had started to fall into the same spiralling abyss that I used to tell myself that I deserved.

The subconscious is either a cruel master or an obedient slave. It’s easy to forget that you, the person who sees life, interacts with life and makes the everyday decisions both, concurrently controls and is controlled by the silent saboteur of self-doubt. Always remember that there are two people living inside your head and the trick is to ensure that the conscious mind controls the subconscious. You, the conscious, are in control and you can do whatever you want. The subconscious is a slave but, uncontrolled, will rebel and, like Sparticus will seek its own agenda. You must control it.

However, it cannot be controlled as the Romans did, with tyranny. The ancient Greek writer Aesops once told a story of the competition between the Sun and the Wind. In order to determine who was more powerful they chose a traveller. The terms of the competition was whomever could get the traveller to remove his coat would be the winner. The Wind went first and, in the manner consistent with his being, blew and blew. But the more the Wind blew, the more the traveller clutched to his coat. Exhausted the Wind relented, admitting that he could not bring himself to the challenge. Skeptical, however, the Wind relented to the Sun, feeling that she would not be any the more powerful.

So the Sun, gently beamed onto the Earth, parting the clouds and warming the air. As the traveler continued he felt the gentle warmth and, after a few paces, removed his coat and carried it on his shoulder. After another mile or so it was so warm that the traveller simply cast the coat aside and continued on his way.

And the moral to the story is that persuasion is more effective than force.

The same is true with the two sides of the mind – I was going though life trying to force the situation, but the more I tried to exert my authority the more my other mind – my subconcious clutched to the idea that I could not or would not succeed. Persuation was necessary. Force was sabotaging my efforts. And so I took a shower.

I don’t think it’s any wonder that the Judeo-Christian tradition takes so much stock in the practice of baptism. For them it is a washing away of sins. But for myself and, perhaps others,who do not subscribe so readily to supernatural explanations I can see the worth. There is a symbolism in bathing. Even centuries before the discovery of bacteria, there was always the concept of cleansing, notably a spiritual one. So I took a shower. And I told myself exactly what was being washed away – I was washing away ill-will – I was washing away bad feeling – I was washing away regret and loss and self-doubt. I was washing away the past and criticism and self-loathing and I was starting out with a new beginning.

And for the first time in a long time I felt clean.